I miss racing

15 races

That’s how many I ran in 2018.

In amongst that I had a 3 PB goals, I hit two but missed another😢. The one I hit, (HM), I am still a little disappointed I didn’t get to 1hr29 something. I also got an accidental 10km PB at the vitality race but was just over 40mins, which was never in my plan. These two bother me a bit right now, why is that?

Started with friends but mostly races it on my own at Hurtwood 50k

It’s because I know in my heart I can do those times, but I won’t have the chance to prove it this year. I made the choice for my mental and physical health and family to race less this year but now it’s getting to me a bit. I have never really suffered with comparisons much, I’ve just gotten on with my own goals but not having any kind of race until March is a really weird feeling. I won’t lie, it kind of sucks on two fronts.

1. I miss seeing everyone

2. I love that race feeling

The feeling of turning up, pinning a number on. The pre race nerves, the count down, wondering if the strategy will work, the running, the finish line and of course the medal. It makes for an experience that can’t fully be described, well for me anyway.

That was 2018 me though. And I am trying to change. I have a new goal but I am not sure what it is yet. Well, it’s kind of been set.

Run the North Downs Way as fast as possible.

A recce run on NDW in 2018

What does that mean though?

I’ve only run 4 ultras but only tried to race one of them. The Hurtwood 50k, was a hard course to race for my first one as it was pretty muddy but I also had knee issues in the last 12km or so, which effected my downhill running, when most of it was downhill. This was supposed to be a test race and I did learn a lot about myself on that course.

I still don’t have an idea for a time goal for the NDW50 though. I think this is why I feel a little off. With a 10km or HM you can set a goal time, most courses are flat(ish) and you can go out and race it. With ultras, every course is different and as such you have to treat each race individually. Each will have its own set of demands on the body and mind, which you have to figure out how to defeat/overcome. I just don’t know what these are yet and it’s left me in limbo.

I see all of my amazing friends out smashing their goals, getting medals and having fun and I guess I just want a quick win but know it won’t happen. This is not supposed to be a woe is me post but more of realisation that I need to do something to help my mindset and get me focussed.

I need to park these times, I need to take away the reminder of the past and look to the future.

So, I’m going to hide the times for now and put up my goals, short and long term and take down all but the hurtwood bibs, (I was tempted to take down all the medals but that’s a lot of effort 😂). With the training plan in full swing, I really need to focus and.

What will that time goal be? It’s time to find out!

To all my amazing friends, out smashing 5kms, 10kms, HMs and Marathons. I salute you! You are all frickin awesome. I am just gonna try my hardest to keep the FOMO at bay

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